I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
