dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She even gives head with a lisp.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
