Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
