I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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