i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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