i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
