Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
