mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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