I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
