don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
