I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
