I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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