Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
