I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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