no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize