and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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