i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
