I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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