then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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