mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
