So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
