Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
