His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
time to smoke my breakfast
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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