Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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