pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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