her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
