so that wasnt chicken after all
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
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I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
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It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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