ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
this hospital has no fireball
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
