I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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