You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
