Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
nutella sex= disaster
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You pole danced in your parka.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
