i would punch a child for taco bell
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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