I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
