YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
