This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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