I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
