The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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