How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
