Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
