lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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