so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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