This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
