dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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