You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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