every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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