I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
