dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
This is my gift to your gina
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize