Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Randomize
