Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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