i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
