What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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