I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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