There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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