Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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