i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
foreskin is a definite game changer
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
