I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
