i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
