doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize