i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
