so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
