I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
