between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
